Courtney Christensen

2008-11-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

So I've officially moved to Wordpress. My whole blog is imported there, so past posts will be there too. Give me grace as I get it all set up, but the hubby has convinced me that I'll like it better. See you there!

Bargaining

2008-11-20T10:07:00.000-08:00

So on the Bargain Shopper Lady blog (Thanks Amber for the link!) I saw that through today, you can get Restaurant.com certificates for 80% off. I got $50 gift certificates for $4. Date nights galore! (Read the fine print before buying or do a search to see what restaurants honor them in your area). A lot of great places that I've been wanting to try take these, so I'm a happy girl!

Creative Discipline...

2008-11-19T06:44:00.001-08:00

Honor and Patience were fighting, so Adam had Honor sit down and write this:

On another note...

It is apparently common knowledge among all three year olds that princesses do not wear glasses. Patience has been insistent on this point with me in her resistance to putting her own glasses on. When I did a google search to find a princess with glasses, I came across countless blog posts and message boards of other moms with the same problem. Due to the apparent lack of glasses-clad princesses, one wrote a book:

Thanks to amazon, I ordered it immediately and can't wait to get it.

And so he's not left out, Justice thinks he's Lightning McQueen lately. And he likes to make this face:

He'll stand there like that for a good five minutes, no exaggeration. I don't know how he hasn't ripped his cheeks open.

Waiting for Jesus...

2008-11-14T07:13:00.001-08:00

We are making an Advent Calendar (pictures to come once it's finished). Or, as Honor calls it, a "When Jesus Was Born Chart". I love instilling in my kids the idea that though we are waiting for Christmas to come this year so we can celebrate the birth of our Lord, we are actually waiting for Him to come again, just as the Jews waited expectantly for their Messiah to come the first time. Am I waiting expectantly? Most times not... but the thrill of the thought of our Savior coming soon! Well, come quickly Lord Jesus. Come quickly.

My Resolve is Crumbling...

2008-11-13T06:48:00.001-08:00

As a mom, I vowed to never buy frozen pancakes. They are much more expensive, and pancakes are so easy to make, right?

Except my son wants pancakes for every meal, and at least every breakfast, and I can't seem to make them fast enough, since in the pan I have I can only do one at a time.

I need an electric griddle. Or some frozen pancakes.

The Benefit of Facebook News Feed? Great Music.

2008-11-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

A friend posted this on another friend's Facebook wall. And I love it.

Sojourner's Advent Songs:
http://www.noisetrade.com/blog/index.php?p=531

Great Christmas mood music!

I know that isn't exactly an original thought, but it's closer.

Original thoughts have been few and far between...

2008-11-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

I have mostly been posting links to other blogs lately, because my brain feels like mush and others can usually say it better. But, this page wasn't meant to be a resource page, it's my blog. So when I can get some neurons firing, an update. Until then, a joke Honor just told me:

H: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
H: Knock knock.
Me: Who' there?
H: No, you are supposed to say 'knock knock who'?
Me: Knock knock who?
H: Knock knock I love you very much (whispered in my ear).

I love her very much too.

The Audacity to Hope for the Life of the Unborn

2008-11-07T08:18:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon this blog entry by Trevin Wax and found the audacity to hope for the pro-life movement to succeed even under the most anti-life President America has ever had. A good read and perspective, for sure.

If 40 years ago many African Americans could not vote because of Jim Crow laws, and last Tuesday an African American was elected President of the United States, where could the rights of the unborn be in 40 years? Perhaps, with activism and awareness, (and of course the favor of God) they could be considered what they are... persons with rights.

An Encouragement

2008-11-05T06:00:00.001-08:00

A great post by John Piper on government. Really, I couldn't say it better, so just read his, and be grateful for the government and leaders that God has sovereignly appointed, whether we like it or not. To Him be our praise, and in Him be our hope, not any man.

Also, some good words from Justin Taylor:

With Ohio being called for Senator Obama, it appears that he will be our next President.

"It's very easy to forget--especially for those of us who are on the younger side--that it was only a little over 40 years ago that there were Jim Crow laws in the US. Just a generation ago, many African Americans were segregated from whites in public schools, transportation, restrooms, and restaurants.

Tonight, the United States has elected a biracial man to serve as its leader.

It would be an understatement to call this a watershed cultural moment in our country's history.

No matter who you voted for--or whether you voted at all--it's important to remember that, as President, Barack Obama will have God-given authority to govern us, and that we should view him as a servant of God (Rom. 13:1, 4) to whom we should be subject (Rom. 13:1, 5; 1 Pet. 2:13-14).

We are to pray for Barack Obama (1 Tim. 2:1-2).
We are to thank God for Barack Obama (1 Tim. 2:1-2).
We are to respect Barack Obama (Rom. 13:7).
We are to honor Barack Obama (Rom. 13:7; 1 Pet. 2:17)."

And finally, from Joshua Harris:

"...Christians should realize... If you voted for Obama, he isn't worthy of your ultimate hope. And if you didn't vote for him, don't despair as though Jesus isn't reigning over the world. Those who call Jesus their Lord can be filled with a quiet peace and confidence in all seasons. Our Savior is never in the White House. Our Savior is Jesus. We must turn to him with joy and faith. And as we do let's pray for our new President Elect that God would give him wisdom and grace to lead our nation in the days to come. "

Abortion and Politics

2008-11-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well, to pick up the abortion thread I started awhile back, I wanted to post this:

The Freedom of Choice Act

This Act will essentially undo any state or federal law regulating abortion right now. What does that mean? I came across this on Justin Taylor's blog:

"The Knights of Columbus recently catalogued the many small successes achieved in the pro-life political process since 1973:
The Hyde Amendment, which restricts federal funding for abortions;

The federal law banning partial birth abortions, which was finally upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court in April 2007;

The “Mexico City Policy,” which has barred the use of federal taxpayers’ money to pay for abortions in other countries;

Laws in 44 states that preserve a parental role when children under 18 seek abortions;

Laws in 40 states that restrict late-term abortions;

Laws in 46 states that protect the right of conscience for individual health care providers;

Laws in 27 states that protect the right of conscience for institutions;

Laws in 38 states that ban partial birth abortions;

Laws in 33 states that require counseling before having an abortion;

And laws in 16 states that provide for ultrasounds before an abortion.

With a stroke of the pen, all of these would be gone."

With it looking like Obama will be our president, and since he said in a speech to a Planned Parenthood crowd that the first thing he would do as President would be to sign this act, I will begin praying for his heart to be broken over abortion and the millions of unborn being slaughtered. The sheer ability to use Medicaid to get an abortion seems logically to increase the number of abortions that will be given, much less the other "liberties" this Act will produce.

Things don't look so hopeful for the unborn.

2008-10-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

Some days, I wonder if I love my morning coffee (with peppermint mocha creamer), my crossword puzzle and my new broom more than I love the lost. I pray not. I fear so. Lately I feel the compulsion to be comfortable SO strongly.

Lord, emblazen my heart for this community, and stir self-discipline in me to long for You, the giver, instead of Your gifts.

2008-10-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

I am the mother of a diva. I don't know how it happened.

Yesterday, I said (in as sweet a voice I could muster), "Patience, could you come here please?"

Pate: "Leave me alone, Mom."

Me: (a little less sweet) "Patience, come here right now. You don't talk to mommy that way."

Pate: "Stop it! You're hurting my feelings!"

Me: (sternly) "Patience, come here right now."

Pate: "Don't talk to me LIKE THAT!"

Me: Because you are disobeying, I am going to spank your bottom. (spank, spank)

Pate: (incredulously) "Mom! You HIT me!"

Seriously. I'm going to go read "The Strong Willed Child". For the fourth time.

Hodgepodge

2008-10-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

So, to continue the abortion thread, I didn't think I could say it better, so I'm linking a Desiring God blog video... Abortion is About God. It is WELL worth your time. Watch the first video you see as you scroll down.

To update anyone who is wondering how school is going... well! Honor loves to learn, and my biggest hurdle right now is, of course, organization. I knew it would be, and we are working to get better at it. Because she is so smart and had a wonderful pre-K teacher (thanks Megs!) she really already knows everything she should. A lot of people have said I should have tested her out of kindergarten, but we are using the year to get her used to school every day, get her loving to learn (not hard in this kid, thankfully) and get me a year to screw up and not really affect her academically. Plus she is young even for kindergarten and tiny. But getting over her timidity rapidly. So I'm loving our trial run year of homeschooling. I like MOVIP and Connections Academy; of course there are pros and cons to everything. However, if you are a mom who really wants to homeschool but are intimidated by the time it takes to choose curriculum and make lesson plans, or you don't feel like you can afford homeschooling, this is an excellent option. I am thrilled and thankful to God that He has provided a great academic opportunity for us.

I have a copy of "Jesus Wants All of Me" coming (kids' devotion based off "My Utmost for His Highest") and "My First Book of Questions and Answers" (based loosely on the Westminster Shorter Catechism and recommended by Noel Piper in her book, "Treasuring God in Our Traditions") through paperback swap. I can't wait to start using those with her as well. Thanks again, JennyLynn, for introducing me to such a great website.

We are going to celebrate Reformation Day this year full out. We have talked about it off and on, but haven't done much except talk to the kids about what the day is. So if any of you celebrate it, I would LOVE to hear your ideas. The ones I've found online so far, I am sad to say, are lame. Or too involved for me to be able to pull off. Let me know!

My last bit of news... I think I'm going to switch this blog to Wordpress. My hubby has won me over. But the whole thing should import over, so nothing lost.

Radical Womanhood

2008-10-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

Straight from the Radical Womanhood blog... you should watch this video.

An Encouragement to Moms

2008-10-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

" He said also to the man who had invited him, 'When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.'" Luke 14: 12-14

Sometimes I forget how helpless my kids are. And I should rejoice that I have opportunity all day long to pour my life out for the sake of some who may never repay me. Yes, we can hope that someday our children will care for us in our old age. But they may not. We may outlive them if the Lord sees fit, or He may call them into some arena of life that requires them to live far away from us or they may rebel and never want anything to do with us. All those options sadden my heart to some degree, but I can rejoice in pouring my life out for them regardless.

Many go to a job where it is difficult to find ways to build up treasure in heaven like this. They have co-workers to interact with and minister to, but many times they can be and are repaid for their service to others. They have to earn the credibility to be heard. I am freely granted that from the beginning. My children rely on me for everything. I am their world. I get to shape their lives and minds and opinions and feelings; I get to sacrifice for three someones who are so helpless they would surely die had I not fed and clothed them their entire lives. I get to do that. No one else. It is treasure in heaven, and a joy to watch these former newborns learn to walk and talk and love Jesus. And I was able to have a hand in it. The Lord is using ME, flawed as I am, to shape these souls. And as long as He wills, I will continue to do so.

It is a great task set before us, ladies. One I shudder at without the Lord's help and guidance.
It is a great sacrifice required. Our very lives. We can't "have it all" as our culture would tell us.
But it is a great reward. More than you or I could ever earn in a lifetime. We are cultivating lives of which we may never see the scope of the harvest on this earth. Oh Lord, find us faithful.

Abortion, Part 2

2008-10-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

Well, I have two posts battling it out in my mind, but I'm going to save one for tomorrow or another day, and write instead about the way it troubles my heart to hear young people... young believers no less... state that abortion will never go away, so we shouldn't vote based on our views re: abortion. Essentially, the opinion espoused is that there is nothing we can do about it, so just ignore it.

People thought the same thing about slavery. They thought the same thing about segregation. Except a faithful few who stood up for the rights of people who were being denied personhood and citizenship based on their skin color. We are disgusted to think of people who just stood by and let Hitler do his thing because, well, they couldn't stop him so why bother. This pragmatic approach to life just doesn't work. Well, there will always be homeless people, so let's just stand by and let it happen. There will always be uninsured people, so let's simply quit trying to find a solution to the healthcare problem in America. There will always be poverty; there will always be war. See why the argument doesn't fly?

I am a one issue voter. I hate that I have to be. But when the environment and endangered species are more protected than unborn children, something should resound in us. Humans are made in God's image, not animals. We should love and care for His creation, of course; and I do my part and look for more ways to do my part in that. But isn't human life exponentially MORE important because it is the sacred image of God? It has to be. And our pragmatism in voting and activism says to me that we are lazy and have believed the lies of the world.

Roe v. Wade only happened in 1973. That's just six years before I was born. But it seems as if the generation whose entire lives have included an abortion-legal culture believe it is unchangeable. We, as a generation, have been produced by the sexual revolution and feminism in a way that amazes me. Feminism permeates our culture in a way that many times I have to reevaluate my thinking on various topics, because I am a product of this culture. Without realizing, I was not thinking biblically and didn't even recognize it. This is true of many in this generation, maybe especially those who grew up in the church. The church has failed in this area, sadly. We have not been taught and we have not taught ourselves to THINK. Critically. I wonder what the Lord would say to us... I know I would be on my face before Him, but maybe I should be on my face before Him now?

Abortion

2008-10-02T10:33:00.001-07:00

I have been contemplating this post for a LONG time, and really didn't want to write it, because the enormity of this issue essentially causes me to freeze. I am afraid to say things that I know conflict with others' opinions, and I know some will just rip apart my "argument", as they would call it. This is disjointed and not incredibly well-written, but bear with me.

I write to stir the minds of the few who do read this blog, and the fewer who disagree with me on abortion. I'm not trying to create dialogue, argument, etc., though if those arise, I welcome comments (as long as they are dignified).

This will most certainly be a series of posts, as I can't possibly wrap my mind around the concept of abortion and politics, much less in one small entry.

However, I've decided to start, mostly because I saw a great post on Carolyn McCulley's blog on the subject.

Here's my first observation:

Most of us consider abortion simply a political issue. We lump it in with the war in Iraq, health care, the economy, etc. We have compartmentalized and sucked the humanity right out of it (watch the videos on the Radical Womanhood blog). It is so much more. We, as people, have become a culture that labels an entire segment of our society (the unborn) non-persons. They have no rights and no voice. Sound familiar? They did the same thing during slavery. We look at a time when people were deemed non-human because of the color of their skin and shudder, but have been blinded to it in our own time. I am saddened by the state we are in. I am saddened by women who feel as if there are no other options, and other women and men who encourage their behavior, give them polite terms to use regarding the murder of an unborn child and then don't understand the grief and guilt that mother generally experiences. I am saddened by my lack of activity and advocacy. But the Lord is igniting a passion in me for the unborn. We'll see what comes of it.

We, the church, are failing in addressing the issue. We have left it to the political arena, in large part! If you have the time, watch the videos I linked to that are on the Radical Womanhood blog. The second video has a great charge to men and to women.

Abortion has become a political issue, whether it should be or not. So I will be a "one-issue voter", because I uphold the sanctity of human life over the environment (something I care about) and finances (something else I am concerned over). I want clean energy, but I want babies to have the right to live first. I realize that wars kill people and a lack of health care kill people. But no political candidate is looking at denying people health care and/or war as a wonderful alternative to a problem. Abortion is viewed as a good thing by some. It is viewed as a privilege, a right to be protected, by some. So I will vote pro-life. However, voting is no longer enough for me. As PEOPLE, not just constituents, we can DO something about this "Silent Holocaust". Volunteer, give, educate, get educated ourselves.

There were 1.2 million abortions in 2005 alone. Just one year, and over one million babies killed. We should quit turning our heads from these numbers. They are staggering.

For more info, www.abort73.com has lots.

Heavy stuff, I know, but something we cannot ignore. I know I left a lot out here, but like I said, there will probably be several of these.

Paperback Swap

2008-09-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Jenny Lynn, for showing me this:

www.paperbackswap.com

My Identity as a Midtowner...

2008-09-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

So we have officially moved. In with friends. Which feels kind of weird and like I'm a constant imposition. I'll have to either get over that or go insane, so I guess I'd better get over it.

I am trying to figure out who I'm going to be in Midtown... become a part of it. Which I'm sure will take a while, but right now I just feel like a poser. And I hate posers. And feeling uncomfortable, and feeling like I don't fit in... all of which I feel.

Tonight I am taking the kids to the zoo because there are free carousel rides and train rides, and Adam is in MN, so we have to do something or we'll all go insane.

Here's to finding a new identity and keeping my sanity while doing it. My first instinct when I am in a new situation that I don't quite know how to handle is to quit and retreat to safety. I can't do that. I'd better get in the Word. I know this is disjointed, but it is disjointed on purpose, because I'm feeling disjointed. I just used "disjointed" three times in one sentence. There goes my freelance writing career.

Update

2008-09-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

My birthday was good, it doesn't feel much different to be 29. :)

Just to update everyone... we were trying to buy a house. Apparently, no one wanted our money. FHA loans aren't easily accepted on bank owned foreclosures... so no house. What to do? We are starting a church in midtown, thus we probably shouldn't live in the suburbs (paying a LOT for housing I'll add as an aside)...

God, through our MOST GRACIOUS friends Nathan and Amanda Perry, has provided. We are moving in with the Perrys until January, when we can start the loan process again and hopefully find a house (it's a long story as to why we have to wait until January - I won't bore you). So we're moving to Midtown in a week and a half, living with some great friends (who will hopefully still find us great friends after our family of five invades their home for a few months), and enjoying getting to know midtown and continuing with the church plant.

For those of you who get them, an update letter will go out THIS WEEK. If you don't get our updates and want to, let me know. Thanks everyone for your prayers and all the happy birthdays yesterday.

2008-09-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this on the TrueWoman blog and wanted to post it... they are doing a 40 day preparatory guided prayer devotion leading up to their Conference October 9-11, and on today's post, had this, a 30 Day Encourage-Your-Husband Challenge. Ladies, you up for it?

2008-09-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

So today we lost our last chance at buying a house for awhile. Pray we can find somewhere to live in Midtown... please!

2008-09-06T08:43:00.001-07:00

Adam's new blog is up and going... just thought I'd plug my hubby.

Oh, and I'm obsessed with cleaning with vinegar and baking soda. I feel that extra clean when it bubbles up as the two mix up. Weird, I know. But seriously, try it.

2008-09-03T06:56:00.000-07:00

So I know I've hit hard on homemaking this year, but it is something God has been teaching me exponentially over the last 9 months. (Man! It is already September!)

Sunday we were able to worship with our first sponsoring church, Wornall Road Baptist, the Church at Brookside. The Lord used John Mark Clifton's sermon in SUCH a timely manner in my life and many others. Praise Jesus that He is so faithful to speak into me and draw me nearer. John Mark talked about Proverbs 3:5-6, which most of us know. Here are a few insights, however:

1. If you want to be more CONFIDENT in the Lord, then CONFIDE in Him more.

2. Trust God in the hard times, yes. But most of us do that. We usually turn to the Lord when things are difficult. But trust Him in the drudgery, too. This was revelatory to me. I'd never thought of trusting the Lord with the monotony of homemaking. Trusting Him that the tasks I perform every day, fixing meals, cleaning, playing with kids, teaching them, disciplining them for the same things over and over again... that all those tasks have eternal purpose. Trusting that God put me exactly where He wants me, and my faithfulness to the drudgery of my day does, in fact, have rewards. Trust God with the monotonous. It will bring great joy and purpose to your work.

Which brings me to a few ideas for young ladies out there who are maybe dating or single and have no prospects for marriage:

LEARN how to do the daily tasks of a wife and mother faithfully, joyfully and with purpose. This is becoming a Proverbs 31 woman who brings her husband good and not evil all the days of his life. If you long to be THAT kind of blessing to your future family, there is no better time to learn than now! You have more time than you ever will (believe me on that - I know you feel really busy right now, but it does not ease up when you get out of school), and you have access to resources right now that you may not have access to. I know many young women (and was one of them myself) who went into marriage not knowing how to cook or clean or do many other household tasks... and my poor husband and I both suffered for it! Yes, we learned together, and yes, God is faithful even when we aren't prepared. But what a blessing you would be to your husband if when you got married, you knew how to put a meal together. (Our first married meal at home was potatoes. Yes. Potatoes.) I thought I was hot stuff when I could manage two pots on the stove at the same time. HA!

My point... learn the things you'll need to know as a wife. If you don't know what those are, find an older woman and go cook a meal with her. Be intentional about it. And yes, I'm an older woman! So come cook with me. Clean with me (I'm still learning how to do that!)... whether you are going to be a working wife or stay at home mom - I promise you will bless your husband and honor our Lord if you'll embrace your role as a "worker at home" with a happy heart and ready mind. Because God can take those diapers changed, meals prepared, tables cleared and dishes washed, floors mopped and toilets scrubbed, and make something eternal from them. Praise Him!

2008-09-01T21:20:00.001-07:00

I can hardly believe my baby is 2 years old now. How time flies! Well, Justice, here is your birthday poem:

The last 12 months have seen you grow
Into boyhood, son, I know
Our days will never quite be calm
Amidst your heavy-footed charm
You romp and stomp and punch and kick
You jump and yell and try to spit.

So fierce! My little man, just two.
There is a tenderness to you.
A glimpse of how Almighty made
You in His image, strong and brave
And also kind and mostly true;
Justice, God did fashion you.

Oh, how I pray you'll fight the beast
Of sin and death and self and beat
That serpent who desires your life.
Please give it, son, instead, to Christ
And let Him chip and mold and break
Away the rough spots; let Him make
you a MAN, as man was meant to live:
A warrior, with a life to give
His Savior, Master, Lord and King.
He's worthy, son, of everything.

He gave me a great prize in you.
And I'll give you back, all glory due
A name so high and right and true,
I long to hear you call it. Do!
Jesus, Jesus won't you be
His joy, his all, the air he breathes.

Politics. Bleh.

2008-08-29T05:37:00.000-07:00

I am always conflicted by politics. In all honestly, I hate them. I hate discussing them, because there are no easy answers, and it stresses me out. Hence my love for the crossword puzzle (one answer works and if you can't figure it out you can go to oneacross.com and cheat. It's easy), as my facebook status so aptly conveys.

I thought this post from Desiring God was good:

I think this is part of why I hate politics so much. I know I should be informed and involved. That's why I work on reading the rest of the paper after my crossword puzzle each morning (or I savor the puzz. for afterwards as a pick-me-up). But I want that courteousness to mark the Bride in a way it has not in times of late. I want it to mark me and my family. Oh, Jesus I want that!

Monday is J's 2nd birthday! I am finishing up his birthday poem and will post when we get back from Tulsa this weekend.

I Know I Shouldn't Laugh At This... But It Is Stinking Hilarious

2008-08-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Call me immature, but when I got home the other night from a MOPS meeting, and Adam showed me this, I laughed so hard I cried and immediately went for the camera. Apparently, all night he would go up to Adam, say "Toot" and let one rip. Then laugh at himself.

Don't worry, we told him not to toot for fun all the time. Poor boy would be getting hemorrhoids.

Weird...

2008-08-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

That would pretty much sum up my being right now. We are in this weird place called limbo... where nothing is certain and everything is changing.

Lord, remind me that YOU are constant. You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I will praise You to the generations yet to come.

Make me faithful. Hold me close. Well up within me, Holy Spirit, and show Your glory on the earth.

Burn chaff. Refine. And through it all, give me the grace to hold on.

Things aren't always what they seem...

2008-08-14T11:11:00.001-07:00

I remember my Junior year in high school, I went to a leadership camp for school during the summer. It was really fun, I got to know some kids from other schools in Tulsa, and some people from my own school better. We did fun ropes course stuff every day, which I couldn't do because I'd broken my hand and was in a cast. There was one other girl who couldn't do the ropes course because she was very obviously pregnant, and I remember all week the comments the other girls made about her. No, I wasn't one of those teenage mean-girl types, but I was just as bad because I never stood up to them or went out of my way to befriend their targets. Anyway, all week people thought who in the world was this girl to come to a leadership camp when she was very obviously an idiot who slept around and got herself pregnant? Towards the end of the week, we all found out who she was. She was a rape victim, who instead of killing her baby like most people would have, was going to have and raise it, because her faith in her God would get her through it.

WOW. Boy did we all feel like scum. Scummy idiots. Scummy, idiotic nothings.

Another time I got a haircut at Supercuts and I hated it. I was so mad at how this girl jacked my hair up. I got home and called my sister and started to vent. I had gone in about thirty minutes before closing time, and I just knew this girl didn't put any effort into my hair because she wanted to get off work and go party or whatever and I was mad about it. My sister, a hairstylist herself and empathetic, told me that maybe that girl had a baby in the hospital, like her friend at work, and just wanted to get to her baby's bedside, but couldn't because she had to work to pay the bills, which wouldn't get paid all the way anyway, but she had to do what she could.

There I was, the scummy, idiotic, nothing jerk holding the phone and speechless. When would I learn?

I don't really think I'm worthless, but I am human, and am humanly selfish. I want to overcome that, and think of others first, and remember that I don't have all the answers in the universe.

So a reminder to myself and everyone else out there. Things aren't always what they seem. If you feel slighted, upset, hurt or worse, just know that maybe it wasn't meant to be that way. Sometimes circumstances are out of our control. I am trying to remember that, and think the best of people as much as I can. I don't want to sacrifice truth, but I do want to season it with grace. And I want to see the plank in my life before I criticize the speck in others.

Homemaking

2008-08-11T07:02:00.001-07:00

This was a great post on the girltalk blog a while ago. I love this blog for reminding me of my purpose as a wife and mother, and more importantly, as a woman. They quoted G.K. Chesterton:

"[Woman is surrounded] with very young children, who require to be taught not so much anything as everything. Babies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, woman is generally shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren't...."

"[W]hen people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean. When domesticity, for instance, is called drudgery, all the difficulty arises from a double meaning in the word. If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge [at his work]. But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean…. I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people's children [arithmetic], and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness."

What a task! The other day the kids were all over me and in frustration I said, "Good grief! could I have a little space?" Adam said, "Well, you ARE their entire world." Point taken. Not that I don't at times need a little space (a frazzled mom with no time in the Word, prayer or with other adults has a hard time being an attentive and caring mom), but it was a good reminder. I am their constant teacher, chef, hairstylist, friend and more, which adds a little weight to the job I'm doing with them day in and day out. It is easy to feel as if your task is small and minute, when in fact it is gigantic and huge.

AND... on a lighter note. The other day Adam heard Patience playing in her room. In a stern voice, she tells her bear:

"JONAH! Go. to. Ninevah!"

Over and over. Oh, I've got to get these things on video.

Today is the Day!!

2008-08-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

Honor's school books should arrive today, according to the UPS tracking number, which my husband informs me is ALWAYS right or early. We found a computer on craigslist, thankfully, that we could afford. So we just need to get windows for a mac, because her school software has to run off windows. Then we are set to go! I can't believe my baby girl is starting kindergarten.

Funny story:

The other day, I hear the girls playing in the living room while I'm cooking in the kitchen. Honor is pulling Patience on a blanket around the room and I hear...

Pate: It's so stormy!
Honor: Don't worry, I'm Jesus.
Pate: I'm Mary.
Honor: Don't be afraid Mary. I can walk on water.
Pate: Help me Jesus!
Honor: Mary... walk to me. (So Patience should have been Peter, but hey, she's three).
Pate: Thank you Jesus!

Honor: Mary, come sit on the couch. I want to preach to you. Some day soon I'm going to die.
Pate: I'm going to die too!
Honor: No Mary, only I can die for your sins. And someday soon I will die for you, Mary.

Then they both giggled and went upstairs.

I think the gospel is settling into her heart... yesterday she kept singing "Jesus is Alive! Jesus is Alive!" all day. It's so great to watch childlike faith unfold.

Oh Jesus, draw my children to You.

It's a New Day...

2008-08-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to that song by Robbie Seay Band for the past week, because I do, in fact, need hope, coffee and melody. I even told my sister to buy it off iTunes.

In all reality, though, things are good. The Lord is good, and mercy's never ending, every day, always, always... I'm on a Tim Hughes kick too.

I heard a song that I loved the lyrics to, and seemed to sum up my heart as of late, so wanted to share some of the words:

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow
I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful
Jesus you're true

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My Defender forevermore

When hope is lost I'll call you Savior
When pain surrounds I'll call you Healer
When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall, Lord I will praise You
Through the suffering, Lord I will praise You

I have precious children...

2008-07-31T11:28:00.000-07:00

I do, really. I'm saying this more for my own convincing than anyone else out there in cyberspace who happens upon this blog.

But man, are they trying me right now. Pushing boundaries and feeding off each other's rebellion. I wondered what in the world was going on, but then realized that a LOT is going on, and that is precisely the problem. Lots of change and young kids don't make for a peaceful home.

When we moved from Sperry, Honor, my precious, sweet, barely ever had a temper (except for the two weeks of demon possession at 15 months) began screaming at me, biting herself (seriously) and more. Change was tough on her.

So I'm trying to remind myself that though this change is good and God-led, that doesn't make it completely easy. But I covet prayers. I hate when my almost two-year old yells "No" at me and pushes his sisters. I hate even more the anger it brings to the surface in me. Lord, take all anger out of me, so that out of the overflow of my heart, my mouth might speak grace, peace, hope, mercy and sacrifice; and that I might teach my children these as well.

Short and Sweet...

2008-07-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Writing on a borrowed laptop and borrowed time means this won't be long. :)

Heartache and Happiness:

Some things stink right now, but God is sovereign. The happiness is the ability to finally tell you all that the Lord is leading us to plant a church in midtown, Kansas City, and we could not be more excited about this, and working with the Missouri Baptist Convention. More details to come, but this is the week of working out all kinds of logistical things... insurance, car titles, moving (hopefully) and more. So back to work, but I wanted to put a short post filling people in.

Courtney

Silence....

2008-07-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Monday night our house was broken into. It sucked, but here are reasons I am grateful for someone pushing in our window while we slept and stealing Adam's laptop:

1. Had it happened 30 minutes later, Adam would have been gone, and I would have been here alone with the kids.

2. Adam didn't go downstairs for some weird reason when he heard the window fall inside. We were all safe upstairs.

3. We realized we are quite lackadaisical when it comes to being smart about protecting ourselves and our home in a fallen world; good things to realize before you move to midtown Kansas City.

4. Wouldn't you know it? I CAN survive without a computer and internet access.

5. God reminded me of His grace, His sovereignty, and I was able to commit myself anew to Him. He is enough, though my flesh and heart fail, He is my strength and portion forever.

Praise the Lord! You probably won't hear much from me though, since I am writing on borrowed computers at random intervals.

2008-07-14T08:32:00.001-07:00

The other night I watched The Spiderwick Chronicles, which was pretty interesting, I thought, and PG, which was nice. The movie is based on the premise that there is a hidden world which we cannot see, battles raging that are invisible to human eye, friends and foes at every turn and all the while we are unaware.

Tuesday Adam preached on spiritual warfare, and the movie, in many instances, reminded me of the lesson we learned Tuesday.

Children playing as if they were perfectly safe, while goblins are nearby, waiting to make their move.
People unprepared, and labeling those who are prepared, who do know the danger, insane.
The faithful risking their very lives for what others call imaginary.

It wasn't a perfect analogy for spiritual warfare, but I saw some truth, and thought it interesting. I liked the movie, too, so I thought I'd plug it. The biggest difference is that we are sure of the outcome, when they weren't. So I won't fear, for greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Retreat

2008-07-11T06:29:00.000-07:00

Hey ladies! Just a reminder that we are going to do a Gal's Retreat August 1 and 2.

We'll talk about guarding our hearts, guarding our minds and guarding our time. Hope you can come.

Court

2008-07-09T07:13:00.001-07:00

Just some fun pics from the girls' birthday celebration:

My New Favorite Recipe

2008-07-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am loving these!!

Black Bean and Avocado Enchiladas:

1 can black beans, drained
1 avocado, diced (reserve 1/4 to top hot enchiladas coming out of the oven)
1 c. salsa of choice
4 ounces Monterey Jack cheese, shredded

Mix above and fill:
8 tortillas of choice

Top with:
4 more ounces of shredded Jack
1 can enchilada sauce (I topped with extra salsa because I used all my enchilada sauce).

These were super yummy and have reheated well also!! The cold avocado on top of a hot enchilada is great too. Enjoy!

WOMAN! Know your role.

2008-07-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

Our friend Scott used to say that all the time to his wife, Melanie (jokingly of course).

The Lord is teaching me MUCH about my role as a wife and mother (go figure, I've been momming it for five years now... poor Honor, those first few guinea pig years were rough on her). And I think the most important principle I've learned thus far in pursuing God's design for me as a WOMAN (not just a wife and mom, this applied to me when I was a single girl) is this:

*Women can't pursue their own role UNLESS they quit pursuing a man's role.*
I know, I'm a little remedial, maybe. But seriously, think about it. We can't be a godly woman unless we quit trying to fill the role godly men should fill. Chew on that.

So what is a woman's role?:
-Prov. 31:10-31 has a lot to say about it. She is a hard worker and she doesn't sleep in. And if you think those things don't matter because you aren't a wife yet, I would encourage you to begin training yourself to be a wife so the first two years of your marriage aren't spent learning how to be a wife. I speak from experience.
-Titus 2 tells us younger women what the older women should be teaching us... that we should be workers at home, lovers of our husband and children (if applicable), PURE...
-I Timothy says that women serving in the church should not be malicious talkers, but trustworthy and temperate in everything.
-Ephesians 5 talks of submission: YES, I said the 'S' word, and if you know me at all you're shocked because it is a difficult concept for me. And submission can take on varying forms. For example, I recently had an epiphany about the times my husband has said to me, "Where do you want to go for dinner?" And I refused to decide, thus refusing to submit to a simple request he'd made of me. So what I actually thought was submission was not, because he asked me for input and I wouldn't give it to him. Or many times Adam has told me to leave the dishes and let him clean the kitchen after a dinner I've made. Guess what I used to do? Ignore him completely. When I thought I was serving him by continuing to clean, what I was communicating was that I didn't regard his requests enough to comply with them, not even when they were to my benefit. So I wonder if at that time in our marriage he had any trust that I would follow him into hard times? It would have been hard to, given my lack of submission. Of course, submission isn't always easy, and there are times when I don't want to submit (though submitting to his request that I DON'T do the dishes is a nice payoff).

Which brings me to a main thought: I am wondering if the American church's lack of submission to Jesus Christ and his teachings is connected in any way to the American Christian wife's lack of submission to her husband? Maybe I'm way off, but I see some similarities:

1. We say we submit but don't in action.
2. Though hard, the submission is for our benefit.
3. We refuse to submit to difficult things out of pride and a desire to build ourselves up (my career, my kids, my life; my church building, my numbers, my ministry).

All that to say: Honor and esteem your role, ladies. It is a high calling and one that should be embraced. If you don't know much about it, learn! Look at historical women of faith, find women who are proudly holding high the calling of women today and learn from them. But let's not let go of the privilege of being a woman in Christ for a false sense of independence or leadership. God created us uniquely, and in fact, feminist ideas are the very ideas that degrade our role as women. Complementarianism totes the great value of both sexes and celebrates their differences. Feminism belittles the role of women and claims that the role of men is what we should all pursue. But, as I said in the beginning of this post, if we all pursue the role of men, who will pursue the roles God has called US to women? We can't pursue them both. And if we neglect our role as wives, our husbands will not become the men they could, our children will miss the education and loving nurture we would have provided them, and the ministries we would have helped with will not benefit from our quiet and diligent service.

2008-07-01T05:11:00.001-07:00

Yay for Candy Land Cakes! This was really fun and worked out pretty well, thanks to my mother in law and sister in law who helped me construct this:

Whew!

2008-06-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

Our weekend was crazy, but fun. The house has cleared out, quiet has settled, and I feel weak. I need a good dose of the word, sleep and alone time with my husband and kids, in that order. : )

A Celebration...

2008-06-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Since tomorrow is Pate's actual birthday, but we are doing the girls' party and family will be in town, I thought I should go ahead and post this early so it would get done.

Patience, you are three years old (tomorrow)! It is hard to believe that you were only mobile through your arms and knees "army crawl" when we moved to Kansas City. Only six months old then, your bald head has since sprouted golden curls, and those beginning baby coos have developed into quite the vocabulary.

Honestly, you were born during a rough stretch for us as a family. Trying to balance ministry and family and all the things that go along with it - your personality was easy going; exactly what we needed. We took you to camp with your dad's youth ministry when you were three weeks old; and you did awesome.

But I misrepresent you to simply call you "laid back" - because that was just you being a typical newborn, I think (I hadn't experienced that before). To describe your personality, I would say you have an appetite! In many ways:

1. You have an appetite for life. You love to be involved in anything that is going on around you. You always "want to see", "want to hold", "want a bite", want more! You nurture everything around you. Your fork at dinnertime becomes your baby, and you rock it as you eat. If anyone has a baby nearby you are smitten and at times obsessed with getting closer and touching them. You LOVE well. You are emotive; whether it is anger or compassion being shown, it is with MUCH feeling and to great extreme. I know with the Holy Spirit's fruit of self-control, this desirousness in you will be used to want more of God's glory, more of His Spirit and more of His work to do.

2. You have an appetite for knowledge. At two, you knew the abc song and could recognize any letter if you saw it, upper or lower case. I am amazed at the rate at which you learn (though you have a distinct advantage with a genius for an older sister!) and how much you love to hear books, look at pictures, make paintings and drawings or sing. You LOVE the arts. You dance and sing all the time, and got the art gene from your dad. You are always CREATING... I pray one day you will intimately know your Creator.

3. You just plain have an appetite! I don't know how you, this china doll, tiny thing, can out-eat your monster of a brother. In addition to the art gene you got from your dad, you also inherited his love of meat. I can't get your sister to hardly eat anything that ever breathed, but you, my dear, can slam some hot dogs, chicken nuggets, spaghetti meat sauce (you don't even need the noodles) or a big bowl of sloppy joe filling (hold the bread). And you hardly ever eat a cookie. Now I know that didn't come from me. Yet you are a princess through and through. You always want a dress on, and are constantly asking me to make your pony-tail bigger, or to change your hairstyle somehow, to put on a necklace or some type of jewelry. You are my "little lady".

I try to not compare you to the oldest and baby all the time (though I did it a few times in my observations above). We know the pains of being a middle child. But Patience, you have fared well, I must say. I am so proud of you today!! A poem for you, my baby girl (for now, at least), that is also my prayer:

Patience! You're three years old today
and though you've much to learn, I'd say
so many things you understood
before I ever though you could.
Now to be sure these are just seeds
of wisdom, yet if fruit indeed
be found, one day you'll come to know
these thoughts in full, and if they grow
then praise to God! For he has done
a might work in you, little one.
"How old are you?" "I'm FREE!" you say,
and for that truth I daily pray.
Free from sin and death and hell
and anything this world might sell
your soul. All lies! Oh, don't believe,
but to the truth of our God cling.
You know you are a sweet princess,
but how I pray someday you'll bless
the King of Kings by laying down
your life, your wants, your all, your crown.
And find the joy and sweet delight
that carries through the darkest night.
Oh Patience, may God call you, child
for only He can tame your wild
nature, stubborn and so bold.
His plans are best, so let Him hold
you all your days here on this earth,
ascribing to Him all His worth.
I marvel at the gift of you
my daughter, Lord help me be true
to teach you where real Joy is found:
in Christ, in Christ, let all resound.

2008-06-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

Patience will be three in three days! Our baby girl is growing up for sure. Friday my mom and Adam's mom are coming up, and Saturday we'll go to the zoo for the girls' birthday. They love the zoo, and we go all the time, but I don't ever let them ride anything, so Saturday we're getting combo passes so they can ride the train, tram and boat as much as they want. They are also going to get to ride the merry-go-round and do a camel ride (if they are feeling brave enough, I'm not sure if they'll go through with it or not).

I'm reading Noel Piper's "Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God" - the first woman she writes about is Sarah Edwards. I have a quote on my kitchen whiteboard from her: "Oh how good is it to work for God in the day-time, and at night to lie down under his smiles!" I'm trying to be a better "worker at home". And feeling a little discouraged in it. But yesterday Carolyn Mahaney posted something on her blog that I thought was so appropriate:

Of the more than 8000 days I spent in this home, there were a few dramatic ones: the day I announced to CJ that “surprise, you’re going to be a father again!” or the day Kristin fainted and we had to call the ambulance, or when Mike serenaded Janelle outside her window at 6am, or when Nicole returned from the hospital after life-saving surgery.

But most of my days looked pretty much the same.

I got out of bed each morning so that I could do everything I did the day before.
I washed the dishes so they could be dirtied again.
I ironed the clothes so they could be worn and wrinkled again
I wiped noses so they could run again.
I picked up toys so they could be played with again.
I mopped the floor so mud could be tracked on it again.
I cooked meals so that I could go to the grocery store again.
I made beds so they could be slept in again.

Some days I wondered: if I do all I do, only to have it undone, am I really doing anything?

Today, as I pack up my home in June of 2008, I can see the answer more clearly than I did in February 1986. Each of my daughters is married to a wonderful, godly man, Chad will be a sophomore in high school this fall, and we’ll welcome our seventh grandchild at the end of August.

I realize that all of the mundane, repetitive days were actually full of significant, enduring work. A home was being built. A family was being knit together. Four souls were being shaped for eternity.

This home has spawned three more homes where the same tedious yet momentous work goes on day in and day out. And God willing, many more homes will one day be built, day by day, so “that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” (Titus 2:9).

That spurs me on to some love and good deeds, I tell ya.

To Our Daughter...

2008-06-20T04:27:00.001-07:00

It is hard to believe that five years ago I sat in our living room with Adam and prayed for the coming of our new baby. We knew the next morning my labor would be induced and we would be introduced to our first child, finally! They broke my water at 7:00, and 15 1/2 hours later, you were in my arms at last. Honor, you've been our guinea pig, and in some respects I'm amazed either of us has lasted these five years. It just goes to prove the saying that children are resilient!!

As a tiny baby you were SICK. A lot. GERD and other ailments had you on adult medicine and testings at just a few months old. This broke my heart and made me feel as if I was already failing you as a mom. I soon learned that things don't always go as planned, and that flexibility is a must in parenthood. My heart grew bigger than I knew it could when you came into the world. I began lifting you up to the Savior, and wouldn't you know it, He healed you without extensive procedures or surgeries.

You have always been a daddy's girl, which I love and foster. You are like me in many ways. You have always been sweet and a little timid, at the same time having a flashpan temper not far beneath the surface. The first Easter we told you the Resurrection story, you began to cry. When I asked you what was wrong, you yelled, "I don't WANT Jesus to die!!" There was no consoling you, except to tell you that He's not dead, He's alive now. Your tears dried quickly and you said, "But I can't SEE Him?!" I told you He was in heaven with God, and that His Spirit lives in my heart and daddy's heart, to which you replied, "Can He fly around in your heart?" That is a perfect example of your temperament.

You are quick to apologize and so quick to forgive. You like to be the boss. You are the perfect first child. And you don't like to try a new thing unless you are confident you can succeed.

In other ways, you are just like your dad. You are such a THINKER. You try to understand difficult concepts like the Trinity. "Mom, God and Jesus are the same, because they wear the same clothes, but they are different, because they have different hair." Your dad was the child with the impossible to answer "Why?" questions. And each time he did that to your grandmother, she prayed that he would have a child just like himself. Again, the Lord answered prayer.

Your smile melts my heart. You have always loved books and reading. You love to "write" in your journal. I look forward to the joy of being your mom and teacher this year. I know we will both make mistakes, learn and grow and stretch ourselves and our relationship. I can't wait.

You are already becoming a little woman of prayer yourself. You love to pray, and used to ask God to bless your friends Emmy, Max and Enriche (characters from the PBS cartoon DragonTales) every night. You have since begun praying for your family, friends, and your birthday presents in days of late.

Honor, I cannot believe you are five years old today! Your dad and I are so proud of you! How we got so blessed to be entrusted with you I cannot say, but I cherish every moment, and thank God for you every day. You make my heart explode with joy. The other day you looked at your sister and said, "Patience. There is one God, and he lives in MY heart." When I prodded you on that, you replied that you meant to ask Him when you prayed last night, but forgot, and would be sure to do it today. A few minutes later I saw you kneel down by the flower bed and say, "God would you PLEASE come in my heart!" My prayer is that one day you will fully understand this, and long for the blood of Christ to cover you. Oh, Lord, may Honor surrender her life to You someday!

Here's a silly poem I wrote for you on your birthday:

A tiny thing.
She loves to sing
and dance and play
her cares away.
Timid, yes, and very sweet.
She's smart and loves to wet her feet
in puddles or in the kitchen sink
she'll sit and wet her feet and think.
'Cause thinking is always going on
under red curls that sit upon
the head of one who is loved dearly
by the Almighty and quite clearly
by her mom and dad, and more.
And now, Honor's no longer four.

Honor is 5 Years Old!

2008-06-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

Joy in the Journey...

2008-06-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

We used to have a pastor who always used the phrase, "There's Joy in the Journey." He used it when he did the blessing at the end of our wedding, which happened to fall on his wedding anniversary. I'm sure looking back on his twenty-plus years of marriage brought plenty of reality to those words. He simply didn't want to be married for twenty years - he wanted to cherish twenty wonderful years with his beloved, finding joy in their journey. The purpose of marriage isn't about accomplishment, but we can rejoice and enjoy God and each other wherever the Lord may lead us.

I have utilized this phrase in parenting, certainly. Because when I get focused in on the end result, we might accomplish a task, but not in a way that necessarily yields positive results. For example, we go to the library for story time on Tuesdays at 11:00. If my goal is simply to get all my kids to the library on time, it could happen in a way that gets us there on time, yes. But also cranky, upset with each other and NOT ready to have a fun story time and craft making experience. If I'm rushing them to get their shoes on, get out the door, get in their seats so I can buckle them, my kids don't enjoy the journey, and they don't enjoy story time.

But, if I can plan ahead, give us time to get ready and have fun while we do it, things are different. We have a safari hunt for shoes, then help each other put them on. We work as a team. We pick a flower on the way out the door. We walk to the library and talk as we go. And we arrive, ready to have fun as a family. There was joy in the journey, with the added bonus of achieving our goal and the end result is sweeter.

Lately, a few people have made comments to me that show a desire for biblical knowledge, growth in their walk with the Lord, and maturity as a believer. Wonderful desires. Godly desires, that we can only have by the grace of God and the work of the Holy Spirit. But they want it, and they want it NOW. My reply would be that there is joy in the journey. The goal is not simply to be a mature believer. Nor can we simply shortcut to maturity, just as my almost five year old can't wake up being twelve tomorrow. There is a reason a flower doesn't sprout and bloom overnight. There is a journey in growth and maturity as a Christian, and there is a reason for that as well. If we spend all our time wishing to be further along in the process, not only will we miss out on the joy in the journey, we probably won't get as far as quickly. You can't sleep on your Bible and think the words will seep into your brain and heart. It takes work, but oh, the work is full of joy. I have most assuredly been in places where all I longed to be was somewhere else. I have wished I could cut corners in my walk. I wish I could press an easy button and know all the Bible has to tell me. But what kind of journey would that be? I must persevere, work out my salvation with fear and trembling, and be diligent to teach my children the words of our Lord. And how can I do that unless I am learning myself?

So an encouragement today: find joy in the journey. It is difficult, but most rewarding.

My 4 year old knows everything.

2008-06-17T20:32:00.001-07:00

Monday night, as I was driving Honor to Vacation Bible School, she asked me why this man we passed was painting his house. I told her that sometimes paint wears off and sometimes we have to repaint it, to which she replied, "Yeah. I know." And then told me how she knows everything. It went like this:

ME: "You know everything?"

HONOR: "Yeah. I know all about animals and places and people and things. You know, everything. Except I don't know one thing."

ME: "Just one? What is that?"

HONOR: "I don't know if baby rats are nice and parent rats are mean. I do not know about that."

ME: "Really. Hmmm... I don't think I know about that either."

HONOR: "Yeah, mom. I know everything. I just do NOT know about rats."

Honor, I love you.

Kindergarten!

2008-06-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

Honor will start school in August with Connections Academy, a virtual school, through MoVIP, Missouri Virtual Instruction Program. Basically, we are homeschooling, but Honor is still a part of the Missouri school system, we'll have access to certified teachers, testing, evaluations, IEPs (hopefully won't need those, but if we do, can work on one with her teacher) and the curriculum is free. Connections looks good to me as far as what we are wanting to teach our kids (they can begin taking foreign languages, including Latin, in elementary school, and have a wide array of extracurricular programs, field trips with other Connections families, etc.), it's only about 20% online in elementary school, so she won't spend a lot of time on the computer, but will learn how to use one, we won't have to keep track of all their work like I would if I was simply homeschooling (something that really felt daunting) and I get to teach my daughter at home. I am very excited about the possibilities this is offering, and I'll keep you posted on what I think once we get started in the fall.

Oh, and happy birthday to my niece, Naiya. She is 2 today!

2008-06-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

My wonderful hubby came home yesterday morning from UPS with a new dress and jewelry for me, and a babysitter set up for last night (thanks Rachel!). We got a genuine date night, and it was wonderful.

I ran three miles this morning, which I think is the longest I've ever run before. Ironic that in my quiet time I read of when the hand of the Lord came upon Elijah and he outran Ahab, who was on horseback. Up the last hill I was quite literally calling out the Lord to get me home. And He did. At this point, I don't see how I will ever run 13.1 miles in October, but I guess I'll just eat this elephant one bite at a time. And hopefully lose one pound at a time, and see my blood pressure and pulse go down one point at a time, because the other day when I gave plasma the guy taking my blood pressure asked me if I was a smoker. : (

Here's to half-marathons and doing things I've never done before in order to feel like I've never felt before.

2008-06-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

The paper chain countdown to Honor's birthday is down to 8 little links! On Pate's birthday, the 28th, we'll head to the zoo where the girls will get to ride the boat, train, tram, merry-go-round, and do a camel ride. All the things you pay for at the zoo, we never do, but our birthday celebration will be the exception to that. They are so excited. Anyone who wants to come is certainly invited.

Adam's sermon Tuesday resounded with me (and everyone I've talked to about it so far). I am quite tired; physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally tired. Here's to a day of enjoying my God, my husband, my kids and our friends. And to the refreshing of the Holy Spirit.

2008-06-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

My kids LOVE fruit. They eat 10 pounds of bananas a week, in addition to the apples, oranges, grapes, strawberries, kiwi, blackberries, raspberries or blueberries I get at the city market each Saturday. One time Honor ate an entire pint of blueberries in about 6 minutes. Justice will eat three bananas in a row if I let him. Patience too. They just really love fruit.

They also like fruit snacks. The little pouches of gummy, fruit shaped wonders that taste like fruit, but are in actuality 2-10% fruit juice. But I hate to buy fruit snacks, and we hardly ever do. Each time we pass them in the store, Honor asks if we can buy some, even though she probably knows by now what I'm going to say: "No, honey. We don't need fruit snacks, because we have REAL fruit." It's become our little tradition each week in Hy-Vee's aisle 7.

See, I hate buying fruit snacks, because they just TASTE like fruit. They give my kids no nutrition, and they don't even fill them up, so they each want three packets, and there are only 10 in the box, so we go through an entire box every sitting. Silly, maybe. But my kids LOVE fruit, so why not give them the real deal?

Insert possibly weird spiritual application:

I've been thinking a lot about the "gospels" that get preached among this generation and in my city. There are many. And many of them taste like the gospel, are shaped like the gospel, maybe even contain about 10% of the true gospel. But they aren't the REAL gospel. I'm not talking about the cults who are headquartered in Kansas City; I'm referring to watered down version of the truth some of us are preaching, whether with our words or our lives. We've been looking at the gospel on Tuesday nights, and Adam and Matthew are talking about some of those false gospels. I might address a couple on here as well in the near future.

SO... not a complete though, yet. But a start. Go eat an apple or something.

2008-06-09T06:38:00.001-07:00

I'm going to attempt this candy land cake for the girls' birthday:

It is hard to believe Honor will be 5 years old in just 11 short days, and Patience will be 3 years old in 19 days. Time flies.

2008-06-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

I've been attempting to plan for this summer, so it doesn't pass by, and in August I think to myself, "I can't BELIEVE it is already August!" Homeschool research, my own summer reading list (I am definitely taking suggestions for that), menus, trying to manage my home better and provide my children memories (mine are few and far between until I was about 10 years old) and find teachable moments to instruct the three tender hearts and minds I am entrusted with each day.

It's a fine line to walk, between planning and just having fun. I want to be prepared in all areas, yet not be ruled by a schedule or expectation. I find the same struggle in my spiritual walk, as well. Discipline and structure without knocking all the breath out of my spirit. The happy medium between legalist and freedom-monger. Where to start?

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1. If I am a free woman in my Lord, then why would I take back a yoke of slavery? Whether I be a slave to my own perception of the law, or in abounding freedom run back to sin, which enslaves, either way I am once again in chains. Free for the purpose of freedom... I have quite wrapped my mind around it yet. But I long to. More to come...

2008-06-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

It has been nice to blog regularly this week. I may try to keep that up, if I can think of enough to say.

Adam gets home tomorrow and I am so thankful. Our kids have definitely been out of sorts with him gone. Cranky, upset at the drop of a hat, argumentative, and clingy to the one thing they think might be able to replace their dad, namely, me. And I cannot replace their dad; can't even come close.

It reminds me of how I act when I have been out of fellowship with the Father for awhile. Cranky? Check. Upset at the drop of a hat, worrying over silly things like finances and schedules. Check. Argumentative? For sure. Clingy to anything I think might serve as a substitute for the real thing? That one too. Except that I don't HAVE to be away from God, I just choose to neglect my relationship with Him at times. How confused I would be if Adam were home all day, yet my children ignored him, then acted the way they've acted this week. You miss your dad? Hello? He's right there - go see him.

There's no need to have separation anxiety from the Lord. He is with us. He is mighty to save. He is an EVERPRESENT help in times of need. The first and the last (which kind of includes the everything-in-between). Praise God for His faithfulness! For even when we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot disown Himself (II Tim. 2:13).

2008-06-04T07:20:00.001-07:00

I've told a few ladies about this already, but this summer I want to do a Metro girls retreat of sorts. Nothing fancy, but some deep introspection, practical teaching on things like extended periods of prayer, quiet times, scripture memory and serving as women in the church. And of course praying for each other and accountability. More to come on that, but I am very excited and have brainstormed quite a bit on it.

I've gone back and forth and back and forth, but I am ready to announce also, that in the fall I am going to be homeschooling Honor. That's a huge decision for us. I never thought I would homeschool, was actually pretty against homeschooling. Now the closer we get to releasing our kids to the public school system, the more apt I am to do it. So a one year commitment. Kindergarten. We'll see how this plays out, and I covet your prayers.

Lastly, a picture of my son's first fat lip. He chased a ball straight into a door jamb. Poor boy, but at least he is smiling!

2008-06-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I dumped two pudding cups in a big bowl, covered the whole thing in whipped cream, and ate it without reservation.

Think I have PMS?

Here's to conquering my emotions and hormones through the power of Christ in me.

2008-06-02T20:19:00.001-07:00

I'm selling the last TV in our house, and getting our kids the ESV on CD, per Noel Piper's suggestion to start your kids' quiet times early on. Brilliant.

I also tried my hand at Amish Friendship Bread for the first time. I'll keep you posted on how it turns out.

We are growing like crazy - the strawberry plants are sending off runners, the raspberry bushes are growing, the herbs look great, and the little vegetable garden, is, well, feeding the neighborhood rabbit family well. Little stinkers. Plus Honor planted some Snapdragons and English Tea Daisies for color. And my lavendar. For tension, the label read. I thought I could use some of that. Maybe I'll post pictures sometime soon.

Day one of Operation Single Parent has gone fairly well. Honor has asked 18 times when her dad is coming back in some form or fashion, which I love. We are going to make a paper chain after naps to count the days.

I also got the planner I ordered from Amazon today in the mail, along with Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney. So tonight I will get some good reading in after the kids' bedtime, and do my favorite activity of ALL TIME, make lists. I'm not being sarcastic, either. I love to make lists, just ask my family.

It is time for me to revamp my recipes... give me some suggestions!! What is your favorite summer dish to make and eat?

2008-06-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

2008-05-26T15:46:00.001-07:00

Celebration at the Station was a blast! Here is Justice dancing, but I couldn't get the video rotated. Sorry!

I also made my new favorite recipe...

Strawberry Mint Salad

2 cartons strawberries, sliced
1 c. water
1 c. sugar or Splenda
10-12 mint leaves

Slice the strawberries. Make a simple syrup by boiling the water and dissolving the sugar in it. Place the mint leaves in the simple syrup and blend to chop up mint (I love doing this in the magic bullet, because the water can go in the microwave and on the blender in one dish)! Cool "dressing" and pour over strawberries. It's SO yummy! If it's too sweet, you can add a tsp. of lemon juice to the dressing before blending.

2008-05-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

Rachel did a wonderful job with these pics - thank you again!

2008-05-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

I just started a book by Carolyn Mahaney and daughters, and I love it. I can't wait to get the other book by her that Adam ordered me off Amazon. Great practical advice on time management that is based in Scripture. The book I'm reading right now is called "Shopping for Time: How to Do it All and Not Be Overwhelmed" - who doesn't want to be able to do that?

Her blog (along with her daughters, who also co-authored the book) - it's pretty cool!

It is great to see consistent efforts at discipline paying off. Our kids are doing well, Honor loves her quiet time in the morning, I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel with Justice and Patience is growing by leaps and bounds in communication. All that plus a mini-van... I have struggled much with the temptation to slack because things are just. so. good.

Praise be to God for all that he has given me!

YET:

If all is lost, thanks be to God
If I must see it go, watch it go,
Watch it fade away, die
Thanks be to God that He is all I have
And if I have Him not, I have nothing at all
Nothing at all, only a farewell to the wind
Farewell to the gray sky
Goodbye, God be with you evening October skye.
If all is lost, thanks be to God
For He is He, and I, I am only I.

Dom Julian, OSB

2008-05-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished "Treasuring God in Our Traditions" by Noel Piper and highly recommend. I am also about to start a couple Carolyn Mahaney books that I am excited about. One is called, "Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and Not Be Overwhelmed" - definitely looking forward to that book.

The tantrums are still going strong, but Justice is starting to see he won't win here, so that's good. A sign of him breaking, for lack of a better term.

Both my sisters are coming up for Memorial Day weekend, along with their children and my mother. I am so excited!

2008-05-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

I remember one time when Honor was around 1 1/2, there was this afternoon where all she did was look at me. And Scream. And throw herself on the floor. And scream some more. She didn't want to be held, didn't want to eat, didn't want to sleep. She wanted to scream. And drive me crazy. Adam came home to the screaming, and after about thirty minutes of wondering if I had really tried everything, trying everything himself, looked at me and said, "We should pray." Because we were starting to wonder if our beautiful, sweet, loving daughter was possessed by a demon. I'm not kidding. Okay, maybe not possessed, but oppressed. Or perhaps possessed, although there was no pea soup.

After two weeks of possession, I realized we just hit the "terrible twos" a little early, that's all. One difficult night in particular, when we were staying overnight at a friend's house with their children, Adam had to sit in front of a closet with Honor in the closet (and the door open, of course) to stop her from throwing herself into furniture. For 45 minutes. The screaming, screaming, screaming.

Patience did this too, and after the second child's possession of the 1 1/2 year old demon, I realized it is just because they can't talk and are frustrated because you don't understand them. Justice has hit this stage. Except he's a boy, and much bigger and much stronger. He hits. He hits with bats. He whips with vacuum cords. He hurts.

So to save my son from throwing himself down a flight of stairs in the midst of his rage, I have taken to hugging him down in my lap while he thrashes after being told he can't slug his sister with his dad's african statue. I need a straight jacket in a size 3T.

Oh words, come quickly. Baby sign language is helping, but this boy will be stronger than me in a year or so.

2008-05-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

I read the first part of I Samuel today, and was reminded of Hannah's belief in God's sovereignty and her obedience and reward for it. Call me simplistic, but I love it.

God you are good. Would you grant me the desires of my heart, desires that would make you look great. May I decrease as You, Sovereign Lord of Angel Armies, increase.

Wrote this awhile back... NYC

2008-03-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

My eyes have adjusted to Your grace
I forget Your heart toward me

The plans of Your heart stand for generations
I forget we have a love story

Nothing new is under the sun
Everything has already been done
I'm not what's special,
But You in me make all things new

I'm beginning to see...

What I thought was clarity were really just shadows
A poor reflection; not face to face
What I thought was Your glory has really been
A tiny glimpse of Your back, a trace

What I thought was clean is filthy rags
What I thought was treasure is fleeting
What I thought I should love You have said to forsake
You make all things new

Would You breathe new life in me? Can I ask so boldly?
I'm nothing, but in Your upside down way, it's the best thing I can be...

What I thought was forever is only a moment
Passing before these words leave my mouth
What I thought is important is trivial - nothing
You make all things new

What I thought cost me little is likely expensive:
Comfort, riches, health and the like
You'd have me abandon earthly treasure
For brothers and sisters, Your Bride.

What I considered gain is now such a waste, for You have made me new.
My fickle spirit is now steadfast, because my heart is new.
Fill my mind with You.

Like I Promised...

2008-02-18T12:12:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering this post for quite some time, honestly. As a married woman, many single girls feel I can’t relate to their plight. The emotional roller coaster of wanting to be content but wanting someone to share your life with. However, it seems to me that I should have some credibility to speak to the issue of singleness; maybe even MORE credibility to speak to the issue than someone who is single. After all, I have been single, and now I am not. So the horizon of my perspective has been broadened PAST singleness. I have something to compare singleness to.

With that said, I realize it’s been awhile since I’ve been single. I am THAT girl. I remember seeing my future husband for the first time when he was in 5th grade and wore an Edison Eagles letter jacket. I went to church camp with him. I broke up with him twice (just ask him – he loves to tell people about it), I grew up with him and I treasure that. I found the love of my life at 16 years old, and our biggest concern was waiting to get married until our parents wouldn’t freak out on us (which they still kind of did). April 10th will mark 12 years of non-singleness for me. I’m not rubbing it in. Really. I am saying that I GET that I haven’t exactly been a single adult. So in that respect, I will fall back on the authority of scripture rather than that of my own experience. I can speak to the issue of singleness, whether I am married or single, because I speak to it backed up by the authority of God’s word.

The recent posts on Valentine’s Day and Singleness (there have been many from different people) make me laugh a little, in a totally non-condescending way. People are frustrated because everywhere they look they see a reminder that they are single, or feel pressure that they should have someone. But that “everywhere” that is being looked at is the world! Commercials, mostly, or some form of commercialism, is what conveys this message. I could quite easily post an identical message about how I am sick and tired, and all I would have to do is replace the word “man” with “money”. See, I’m not rich (according to American standards, which are ridiculous). What, you didn’t know? But if I listened to the world all the time, I would be made to feel like I should be America’s “rich”. Just like single girls always feel like they are being told they need a man to be complete. I would be told constantly, if I were listening, that I need money to have a fulfilling life. Even in religious circles, I would be told that the Lord wants to bless me, which somehow gets interpreted to mean God wants me to be rich. So why don’t I have all the money I could want? Why are you single?

The problem is not singleness or romantic relationships, in the least. Nor is it financial windfall. It is contentedness. I know because at one point I was single and I thought that once I got married I would be content. All marriage did was free me up to want something else. Namely, babies. Then I had them. Now what can I want? A house? A mini-van? What else? There is always something. ALWAYS. That is, if I am listening to the world.

But awhile ago, I turned off my T.V. So I don’t get told that I need money. I even went as far as to turn off the well meaning voices of people who I love but who think that if I don’t save for retirement right now I am doing a disservice to my children. I turned to the Bible, where I’m told to sell my possessions and give to charity. I’m told to be generous so I can store up treasure in heaven and take hold of that which is life, indeed. I’m told that in giving up my desires, I find truth, which will make me free. I’m told to delight in the Lord that He may shape and then of course deliver to me the desires of my heart. Which means I may never get a Chevy Venture, but if I don't get one, I shouldn't want one either. Whether I want a man or money or kids or something else, contentedness is the answer. Because if we don’t learn to be content, we will never stop wanting, even if we get our coveted prize. There will simply be another piece of fruit in the garden, pleasing to the eye and good for food.

And on that note, a disapproving look to the notion that if you will be content for a little while, then God will give you what you want. So trust God, then he’ll drop a boy in your lap. Hmmm. Is God a slot-machine? I think not. Name it and claim it doesn’t work with money or health, so why would it work with romance? Yet I seem to see and hear hints of this misshapen theology, whether it be on Facebook or in conversations.

I will, at all times, trust the Lord. And maybe never get to own a house or a mini-van. I’ll be okay with that. You might never get married. Will you be okay with that? My husband could die before I see him again this evening. Will I be okay with that? With losing my children? My identity? My everythinginthisworld? My answer, unequivocally, is YES. Otherwise, I will waste my life wanting and wanting and wanting and never being satisfied. Because the only thing that will satisfy me is contentedness. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet lose or forfeit his very self?

All I ever wanted in life was to be a mom and wife. Now that I am one, I love it! I know some of you feel that way as well. Trust that the Lord would not give you those desires unless He planned on fulfilling them. Hard I know, but trust isn’t exactly easy.

Also, now that I am married and have children, I see all I wasted when I was single and had free reign with my time, money and resources. Don’t waste this phase of your life wishing you were in a different one. I did that, only to find out that the wanting was never fulfilled, just replaced with a new want. That is a tricky and effective tool of the enemy. And if the world keeps telling you that you won’t find worth until you find a man, quit talking to the world for awhile and get your perspectives in line with the Bible, because it, my friends, has a different song to sing when it comes to your life and what is valuable.

I advise we give up on the world telling us the right things. It just simply won’t happen. Silence the voice of the world, commercialism, and even American “Christianity”. Don’t complain about it, don’t acknowledge it, don’t listen to it! What freedom. I am blessed beyond belief, and amazingly rich both in this present world and in spiritual things. I refuse to look at what I think I lack when I am surrounded by abundance. What DO you have, single woman? A bridegroom who knows you inside and out, who doesn’t have to work to figure out what the heck you are thinking, who doesn’t leave his face shavings in the sink or dirty clothes on the floor, who doesn’t get annoyed when you do annoying things and who has an incredible plan for your life. Submit to your Bridegroom, wherever he leads you. Into marriage with an imperfect man who does all the aforementioned things, or into singleness for life. His will is good, pleasing and perfect. Duh, right?

Back in the Saddle Again....

2008-01-26T12:16:00.000-08:00

Wow, the whirlwind of December/January is over and we can. just. breathe. I am so glad to be HOME, which is what Kansas City is for me now. It feels odd to be in Tulsa, like a dream I can kind of remember, but KC is definitely home base and headquarters for us now. The last six weeks have been blessed; the Lord has shown me much, I have been around some amazing people, and have missed my kids like crazy. I think Adam is more built for travel than me. He is used to the being away; at times it was a lot for me. The weddings of great friends bookended our trip to New York, which was wonderful. My highlights of the trip:

1. New York City with my hubby for the first time.
2. Being around the Westons, Burkes and Megan
3. Our study of the soils in Mark 4
4. Our team grew a lot, in my opinion, though at times it was a bit painful
5. The time away from kids gave me some rest and a chance to reflect on ways I am mothering, goals and corrections, etc.

SO... I am looking forward to the new semester, starting and finishing it well, growing within our community of believers and seeing our children reach new stages and phases.

Patience had to go get fitted for glasses yesterday. Apparently her left eye drifts to the inside a bit, and they are hoping this will correct it (although the doctor said it would take several years to do so) - as soon as we get them back we will post pics of her in them. Of all our kids, she would be the most suited to have a daily necessary accessory. And of course, we got pink glasses. I'm praying this is all they'll have to do, as in severe circumstances I think surgery is an option. In three months they will take a look again and see if her eyes are correcting because of the heavy prescription (she is a +2 in one eye and +2.25 and astigmatism in the other). Praise God that we can get this fixed and that she's still doing very well with letter recognition and other kinds of learning.

I think that gets you caught up on our life! Sorry that's pretty fragmented, but I'm referreeing a toy fight in the midst of this.

2007-12-30T06:15:00.000-08:00

Amanda and Nathan's wedding was a joyous celebration of, as Adam put it, what God celebrates and cherishes. It is so fun to be at a wedding that is Christ-centered, and it was great to be in a wedding and performing a wedding on our anniversary. Being there brought back so many memories of six years ago and how RIGHT everything felt and still feels. I looked at Adam afterward as we reminisced a bit and told him, "Wow. I only thought I loved you then." Six years, five zip codes, four dogs, three kids and two states later, he is still my one great love in this temporary life.

I know. I'm a cheeseball. I embrace it, though.

Love you, babe.

2007-12-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

I've been wondering lately if giving is really giving if it requires no sacrifice. If I'm rich, and I give a little bit of money, but never even notice it's gone, is it REALLY giving? After all, when Jesus watched the people put their money in the temple treasury, he said the poor woman who gave all she had did more than those who gave much out of their abundance. So if I give $10 to a homeless guy for dinner, but still eat dinner myself, does the gift lose some of it's potency?

Maybe no, but then again, maybe yes.

If Jesus didn't really feel any of the pain of the cross, and just did it to get that whole "salvation" thing accomplished for you and me; if he had some sort of divine anesthetic that allowed Him to endure the cross without much actual physical or emotional pain, then His gift isn't as special. It wasn't sacrifice, really. I could do that. Probably could do it for someone I didn't even love very much.

But if He felt every punch, every pluck, every lash, every nail, every liquid ounce of spit and every jeer and taunt... well, that's a stinkin' gift.

So if I don't really feel the pain of my gift, the sacrifice of it, is it still a gift? A REAL gift? Or is it just a nice gesture?

2007-12-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about Matt's lesson this morning and had a thought. See, I've been reading in Luke lately anyway, so when he went there to look at some of the things Jesus said about being rich... well, it'd already been jumbling around in the back of my mind anyway.

We read the verses in Luke where Jesus tells us not to worry about anything, but to seek first His kingdom. Suddenly I was reminded of the verses in Matthew where Jesus tells his disciples not once, but twice, that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

So... if we are to seek first the kingdom, and riches are an OBSTACLE to entering the kingdom (mind you, it doesn't make it impossible, just HARD), then why would we ever want to be rich? That is, if we understand that the kingdom of heaven is way more valuable than any thing. Maybe that's why Jesus follows up with, "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." If my treasure is in heaven, then my heart is in heaven. Hmmm. I think that would be a great place for my heart, don't you?

2007-12-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

From Sheldon Vanauken's "Under the Mercy":

It must be remembered, too, that initially it was the Faith that pushed me into action in the '60s. A church closed to the black man was an offense against Christ. And the war, less certainly, seemed so, too. But the danger of social action is- well, what happened to me. First, a generous and loving Christian response to injustice and suffering. Then, putting the neighbour first- ahead of God. And finally, putting goals and victory first, ahead of both neighbour and God. Hating one's enemies. Feeling virtuous, as the social activist always does. Finally, the feelings of virtue leading to pride, even arrogance. In some respects it's a noble sin, but it may lead to Hell all the same, as putting something else ahead of God does.

Vanauken says in his prequel to this, A Severe Mercy, that "God must be overwhelmingly first or nothing." I have been impressed with Vanauken's transparency. His willingness to admit the mistakes he made in the 60s makes me more inclined to take his advice and contemplate his opinions. His thoughts on social justice and their possible dangers are important for young Christians today to keep on the back burner. Are we about the Lord, His kingdom, or our cause? Which is first, because to make God second is to make Him nothing.

Thanksgiving? Have I ever?

2007-11-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

The Lord is showing me more and more how to be grateful... because apparently I have never been. Of course, at times, I've tried to be. But my recent trip to Wal-Mart subtly illuminated my American sense of entitlement.

I don't think often of how lucky I am to live in America, where there are things called diapers for babies to wear so they don't poop all over you. Or over-the-counter medication, hard to get in many other places. Clean beverages and more food than third world countries might know what to do with (we'll never know, since they'll never have it). Electricity and running water at my beckoning flip of a switch or turn of a faucet. Clean floors, though it wouldn't matter if they were dirty since I have protective shoes to cover my feet. Many young people today see this and get angry at the injustice done to many. After all, it is a basic human right to have food and clothing (fashionable, at that), shelter (that is appropriately decorated), the Word of God written in your native tongue, whether you read it or not, ample entertainment (what WOULD I do without my television, iPod, cell phone, laptop, gaming system of choice and PDA?) and pretty much whatever we desire at the exact moment we desire it.

Don't hear the wrong tone in my voice here. I'm not bitter. I don't hate America. On the contrary. I LOVE it. I am humbled that God ordained for me to born in the States. Because I don't DESERVE it. People in third world countries don't deserve to live like me; neither do I. The wages of sin is death, so I suppose none of us deserve to live at all, right?

But I get to live in a safe, clean place where there are hospitals and money and food and more. So I am increasingly thankful. Not indignant that others don't have my opportunities. Perhaps, rather, I should capitalize on those opportunities to do the will of God; namely, welcome His kingdom to earth in any way I can. And as I ponder with a grateful heart, a whisper in my ear reminds me that when much is given, much is required. Tremble, it tells me. Fill Kipling's "unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run." And each unforgiving dollar as well. Because the world deserves the American dream? God no. Because of the grace that has been lavishly poured out on me. Give much, because much has been given to you, Courtney. Give until it becomes sacrifice, so that you might find joy. Yikes.

Thoughts...

2007-11-21T14:23:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, which has been nice. Sheldon VanAuken is my new old favorite. I lent my copy of A Severe Mercy to a friend, which prompted me to reread Under the Mercy. Not sure why, since I didn't care for it much the first time I read it, but the parallels I see between the sixties and now, his perspectives and the excerpts from his published articles have been quite enjoyable to me this time around. I wholeheartedly recommend the book, of course, after reading A Severe Mercy (it is, after all, a sequel) and a few months to get the first book out of your system. A quote of his on his own social action (quite timely for young Christians today):

"...initially it was the Faith that pushed me into action in the '60s. A church closed to the black man was an offense against Christ. And the war, less certainly, seemed so, too. But the danger of social action is - well, what happened to me. First, a generous and loving Christian response to injustice and suffering. Then, putting the neighbor first - ahead of God [which makes Him nothing] And finally, putting goals and victory first, ahead of both neighbor and God. Hating one's enemies. Feeling virtuous, as the social activist always does. Finally, the feelings of virtue leading to pride, even arrogance. In some respects it's a noble sin, but it may lead to Hell all the same, as putting something else ahead of God does."

2007-09-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

God is so good, and at work in this little heart of mine. Not much to write, but I just needed to get another post on here so the last one wouldn't be the first thing people see when they look at this. Ever do that, or am I just crazy?

A Long Time

2007-09-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not sure if anyone reads this anyway, but here is a short update.

I love not being on the internet much these days, but having the ability to sneak on every now and then to balance the checkbook. :)

Honor is loving preschool, and I am realizing how much I do for her that she could actually do for herself. Working on that.

Three kids at home is a lot, but I can manage, and we are trying to live our lives to the fullest.

Honor is starting to question spiritual matters. James Dobson says the year a child turns five is very important spiritual soil to be nurtured. This partially excites me and partially scares the crap out of me.

Small groups have started, and I love ours. Looking to what God will do in the next year, and I LOVE FALL! I can't wait for things to stay cool like this all day.

2007-08-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

Ahhh... structure, routine, the norm. I thrive on it. :) Preschool has begun and Honor seems to like it, praise God. Adam has started class, the big trips of the summer are over, and we are having a family night tonight. Nothing says family like homemade pizza and doing NOTHING together.

SPENT!

2007-08-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

I feel absolutely spent, as if I can't go on. We've seen Adam one week out of the last month (that was two weeks ago), and tomorrow at 8:00 pm can't come any sooner. I feel like I had no business having three children, because if Adam died, THERE IS NO WAY I COULD BE A SINGLE PARENT. It takes an act of the Almighty to get us all to the grocery store and home without someone having a meltdown. My dependence on the Lord has been fleeting, and I feel like a failure... that's all there is to it. Our time in Tulsa was good, and I was sad to leave such good friends. But there is this hole in me and I don't know how in the world military families go for so long without seeing such an integral part of the family! Ugh. Okay, my rant is over.

Honor is starting preschool in a little over a week. Yikes! Am I ready for this?

2007-07-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

It is well with my soul. When peace like a river attends my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll... whatever my lot You have taught me to say it is well with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blessed assurance control: that Christ has regarded my helpless estate and shed his own blood for my soul. My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought: my sin, not in part, but the whole, IS nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. Praise the Lord, Oh my soul!! And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll. The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend! Even so, it is well with my soul.

I love the Village Church version of that song.

For those of you who know Matt Creath, he's having some medical troubles and was in the hospital last night. Pray for his recovery! Thanks.

Visions of a Cheeseburger

2007-07-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am SO weak when it comes to worry. And jump rope. Last night Adam and I jumped rope to work out together. It was fun. And incredibly humbling, for reasons I won't go into. Just when I think I am trusting the Lord, I am stretched, and I suck at being stretched. God, I believe, HELP ME IN MY UNBELIEF!

Yesterday, we saw a homeless guy in the grass median on the highway with a cardboard sign, "Visions of a Cheeseburger." Adam said, "You should blog about that." I replied, "No, YOU should blog about that, because you've had a blog with two posts for months, and you are a much better writer than I am." Then we discussed his busy schedule, the glimmer of relief he'll get when Matthew comes on full time in August, and the fact that he probably won't actually start blogging then, but we could say so for now. So I stole the topic because it may never get written about otherwise.

I have visions of my own... a mom who teaches her children lovingly at all times, and values her place in the home instead of feeling like she does nothing all day, going crazy from mundane tasks that she'll have to do all over again in two hours, like vacuum or pick up toys or change diapers. A wife who always respects, trusts and submits to her husband (who by the way does a pretty great job of loving her like Christ loves the church). A believer who trusts in her Lord at all times and leans not on her own understanding. She does what His Word says (Novel idea, I know). She loves other people and is selfless. She KNOWS AND BELIEVES HIM, because before Him no god was formed, nor will there be one after Him. She is a reflector of His light in dark places, and is not concerned with her own safety or comfort. She laughs at the days to come.

You've gotta admit, that beats a cheeseburger. I have a GREAT vision. Now as to the work of making the vision a reality, yikes. But I am realizing more and more how important it is to have vision and purpose in your life. I have talked with too many young people lately who just do what they want, follow a paycheck or flounder because they're waiting for a cardboard sign to float down from heaven with directions on it. God shapes our desires, He puts purpose in our hearts and He uses other believers, His Word and opportunities to guide. I want to start allowing God to do the work it takes to bring the vision for my life to fruition. And jump rope every day until I don't suck at it anymore.

2007-07-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

Guess I should mention that we are moving! 2.4 miles from church, 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, the bedrooms upstairs and away from the living room (no more keeping our kids awake while entertaining we hope) and 200 more square feet than our current apartment. God is good.

2007-07-16T19:37:00.001-07:00

The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone? Ecclesiastes 6:11

Enjoying Life

2007-07-12T09:22:00.001-07:00

Last night we took a walk to the fountain by our house to splash around. Honor rode her bike for the first time and did a great job. Except she kept watching her feet and crashing. Frequent reminders to "watch where you're going!" helped to keep her head up and her eyes focused on what was important... her direction. If I didn't give her reminders she would end up with one wheel stuck in the grass and unable to get back on the sidewalk without help from me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in things are SO STUPID. :) I've been trying to focus on enjoying life and forgetting my to do list, and I'm finding that I'm a harder worker when I do so. Life with correct perspective is much more enjoyable. When I get stuck watching my feet I forget where I'm going and why it's so fun.

2007-07-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

We turned in an application to rent a duplex that is only two miles from the church. I am so excited. Right now, it takes us thirty minutes to get there... so this should save us lots of time. Praise the Lord! He has provided in so many ways.

I have had lots of reminders lately to be sure I am not elevating gifts above the Giver... good stuff to think on.

Honor is in preschool officially next fall - yay! She is growing up so quickly, and is such a joy to my heart. I am reclaiming some joy that has been lost for years. The Lord has been searching out hidden places in my heart and caused me to evaluate some faulty thinking that took root a long time ago. Praise Him for freedom!

The Lord has used some old friends (though you don't even know it) have revived in me the pursuit of my call as a mother in a fresh way. Thank you for that.

"All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who do gown to the dust will kneel before him - those who cannot keep themselves alive.
Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn - for he has done it."

2007-06-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

WOW... go here and watch the second video (the one that says, "You HAVE to watch this video." Bring it, John Piper.

Sometimes I feel cursed with American heritage and prosperity. Even though I'm poor by all Western standards, I am one of the richest people in the world. Lord, help me balance accepting and praising you for blessings and being faithful with that blessing. I tremble at the thought that because I was given much, much will be required of me.

2007-06-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

Guess it is time to update...

I am teaching a study of the Old Testament on Sunday nights that I am enjoying immensely. I told Adam I've never been so excited about the Old Testament before. :)

Reconnecting with old friends is so fun. Jenny Lynn and Katie Beth, it was great to talk to you both this week, even if it was through the internet!

So I'm trying to get Honor enrolled for Pre-K at the church. Now, they have a three day program and a two day program. I wanted her in the three day program, but she hasn't completed a 3-year-old preschool program. Well, I told them she's a stinking genius and they should let her in, but they aren't sure. Aren't sure? This is the girl who knows all her ABC's, can count to thirty, spell her name, never had a potty training accident (not even at NIGHT) and is just the most amicable and friendly four year old you ever met! She LOVES structure! Not ready for the three day program? Pah!

So maybe I'm a little ridiculous, but I hope they let her in. And I hope we find a house closer to the church to rent.

Happy Tuesday!

2007-06-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Stuart Little is our new obsession. Maybe that will be good preparation for our kids if and when we adopt later in life. :)

Amanda - hope your Europe trip is amazing! Can't wait to see the pics so I can live vicariously through you!

Hope everyone is having a blessed day! I didn't get to go to Metro last night because Justice was throwing up, yuck. But he is better today. Honor went to the doctor this morning because her ear was bothering her, and I had to help hold her down so they could wash her ear out. GROSS. It seemed to work, however. And it will take an act of God to ever get her to the doctor again (something that concerns me because I still have vivid memories of the ear waterpik thing from when I was four).

God is good and I am trying to find a little direction in the craziness I call life.

2007-06-03T04:53:00.000-07:00

Well, Tulsa has been good to us. We are still here - have seen so many wonderful friends and family. Honor had her first sleepover last night! With her cousin, Skyla, so it's not as traumatic for me as her going with a friend, but like I told Adam, I will admit freely that I did tear up a bit as she got in the car, told me "Bye, Mom! Lub you!" and drove off giggling like a maniac with Skyla and her two brothers, Ashton and Preston.

I miss Adam and we are ready to go home, but the girls have an early birthday party today at their grandparents' house, then we are off to Sperry to see our best good friends, and home. I am exhausted but in a good way.

Patience has started praying with us at night and it is just about the cutest thing ever. She closes her eyes and starts, "Da didudah di do MOMMY DADDY dida di da do duh BIBLE dah dedo." Eyes open. "AMEN!"

I am a lucky mom, I tell you.

2007-05-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

I have four more blankets to make, then I need more orders! Help us go to Uganda and get a really cute baby blanket which makes a perfect present. I also found really cute new material, there are red, green and blue polka dots or pink, yellow, and other pastel stars and polka dots. If you want a pic, email me and I can get one to you.

We are getting a HUGE tax refund. I am hoping it will be enough to pay off the negative equity so we can trade in our car for a mini-van. That would be incredible. And, we want to move further south so we aren't driving so much. We'll see if something happens in that department.

I leave for Tulsa a week from yesterday. Yay!

Baby Blankets for Uganda

2007-05-11T16:13:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I am making baby blankets to help raise funds for our Uganda team (our Sunday School class is kind of playing a "talents" game, and this is what I came up with to do with my money). The team goes to Uganda to share Jesus with the inhabitants of the islands of Lake Victoria in August, and we need to raise quite a few thousand dollars still!

If you are interested, the blankets are $15 (plus $3.95 if I need to ship it to you), and I am attaching pictures of what they look like. They are 100% cotton flannel, and are the perfect baby blanket/gift. A lady at our church in Sperry used to make them for me and when we left I told her she had to teach me how to do it! They are approx. 43 inches square, so bigger than a normal receiving blanket (my kids outgrew normal receiving blankets by a month old). Folded diagonally, these are perfect for swaddling a newborn, but my girls (4 and 2) still love theirs, so they get lots of use. If you want one, email me at adamandcourtney@hotmail.com and tell me the color of fabric and trim, and how many. Thanks for reading!

Fabric Colors available: yellow, white, baby blue, pink, aqua, green, red (others may be available upon request)

Trim Colors available: white, vareigated (see picture to see what it looks like), navy blue, baby blue, pink (others may be available upon request).

Courtney

Ch-Ch-Changing

2007-05-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

Well, in an effort to cut costs and make more time in our lives we are getting rid of the internet at home. So these entries will be few and far between now, but maybe that will mean I'll have more to say. I'll still be in touch with everyone though and posting pictures of the kids as I can.

Recap

2007-05-07T07:48:00.000-07:00

Melanie went home... Adam got home... my mom came for a visit and has gone home. The Metro band practiced yesterday. Honor's 3 year old choir sang in the service last night. Ahhh. Justice got shots this morning, so besides a fussy baby, we are just resting from a busy weekend.

Adam got to have some rest and spiritual refreshing at Thirsty. He got to talk to some old acquaintances and friends. Yes... he and Matt got to talk to Charlie AND Francis Chan. Apparently, Adam's preaching professor here at Midwestern was Francis' preaching prof. at Master's Seminary, so they swapped horror stories. :)

What's on the menu for this Monday? Hmmm... how about the best cupcake recipe from Weight Watchers? You take one cake mix and one can of diet pop. Mix. Bake. Add fat free Cool Whip for frosting and you are one happy person. My personal fave is a chocolate or devil's food cake mix with diet dr. pepper, but if you wanted to do a white or yellow cake, just use diet sprite. It is moist and delicious. Yum. :)

2007-05-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Adam says the conference is going well, which is great... he needs a little time for his own spiritual growth and refreshment, and I'm hoping this week will be just that for him.

Melanie is here... yay! I am so excited to get to spend time with her. The girls and I are going to Tulsa in about three or four weeks, so that will be fun, too.

I am super sleepy - maybe I can grab a snooze while the kiddos nap.

Hope all is well with everyone.

A Little of Everything...

2007-05-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

Well, Metro was great. Kim did a wonderful job preaching - he has such a different worldview than I do, that I love to talk to him. As someone who came from a Shiite Muslim family, he really gets what he was saved from by Jesus; he truly values the blood of Christ. Though I am so grateful for the opportunity to grow up with the truth of the gospel, at times I find myself having to fight against complacency, because it is so familiar. Times like last night are a good reminder.

Talked to Adam on my way home, and the drive to Atlanta had gone from 12 hours to about 16 after all the pit stops to pick various people up. He was ready to get to the hotel, but is still excited about the conference.

I have always wanted to be a gardener. I have a horribly black, dark, pits of hell thumb. I long to nurture and care for little seedlings until they become strong, healthy plants that produce beautiful fruit or blossoms. It is a dream of mine. It just never happens. A little hard to do without a yard, I know, but I'm taking baby steps with potted plants:
My Gerber daisy that I repotted actually looks like it might make it. I was shocked as all get out. The thing was on its death bed when I got it at the seminary's monthly Food Pantry (sometimes they have random non-food items to give away, and this time they had some potted plants saying "Happy Assistant's Day!"); I repotted it and of course it got worse, since my propensity to kill plants is unrivaled. But today it isn't drooping anymore, and is starting to resemble an actual flower. Who knew?
Rachel gave me two tomato plants because she had more than she needed, so the pressure is on to not kill them. I am crossing my fingers. I just water them, right? I totally suck at this.
Finally, I am in the process of germinating 6 avocado pits (we had guacomole the other night when everyone came over). No, I am not delusional enough to think I will produce actual avocados in the Missouri climate, but they make pretty houseplants, so I hear. The last one I germinated looked like a stem with a couple leaves on it, not very pretty OR houseplantish. However, I thought if once they sprout, I planted two or three in one pot, maybe it would be a little more full and pretty.
I'm becoming obsessed with planting things to see if I can make them sprout. All the seeds from our food are quickly filling up the small pots I had from last year, not to mention the kitchen windowsill, because it gets great light. But this way I can have my dreams about making things grow without spending money on stuff I'll probably kill eventually anyway. I tried the top of a pineapple and some kiwi seeds to no avail. But the avocados I think I can master - I've gotten them to sprout before.
So I found this website. Maybe if I can get some of these things to grow, I'll spring for a REAL plant and broaden my horizons.

Health Update

2007-05-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

So... the past week has not been perfect - one day I ate way too much and I didn't exercise as frequently as I would have liked, but I didn't do horribly, either. I did exercise quite a bit, and am trying to cut back on the amount I eat, because, honestly, it's more than I need.

I am going to do all my measurements later tonight, and keep track of my progress that way, I think. That and start monitering my blood pressure, which isn't too high (was way high during all three pregnancies because I have tiny veins), but could get better, I think. Goodbye, salt!

My ego is bruised, since I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog, but oh well, it will be good for me to look back on. :)

Adam left this morning for Thirsty with Matt and Phillip and some people from Phillip's church. He's meeting up with the Krolls and the McDonalds in Atlanta, some of my favorite people, so I'm a little envious. But Metro is tonight; Kim is speaking, and I love to hear him preach. Tomorrow Amanda comes over after school, Rachel is coming for dinner and Melanie will be here around 9:00. I am blessed with many wonderful friends. Too bad they don't read many blogs... I'll have to make some online friends so people will post comments to me. :)

P.S. I really like the 100 calorie pack cakes. Much better than the Weight Watcher's 1 point cakes, which I found a little dry, and there are bites aplenty for my sweet tooth. :)

Manic Monday

2007-04-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

So... Amber - here is my "What's on the Menu Monday" post for ya! I am going to make the granola you posted last week as a snack for Adam and the guys to take to Thirsty.

Easy Cheesy Bread

1 loaf french bread, sliced thickly
1/4 c. melted butter
1/4 c. mayonaisse
1 tsp. garlic powder (I usually add a little more)
8 0z. shredded colby jack cheese (again, I usually have a more than this, but that's what the recipe says)

Combine melted butter, mayo and garlic powder. Stir in cheese until it is a paste-like consistency. Spread generously on bread and bake at 400 degrees for 10-15 minutes, or until cheese is browned a bit on top.

Adam loves this stuff! It's great with pasta or any other home cooked meal. We have it a lot with chicken, baked potatoes and salad.

In other news - Adam heads out in the morning, and my wonderful friend Melanie is coming to visit late Wednesday until late Friday so I don't have to be home alone with the kids. I actually was going to come to Tulsa and she had to stop me, because she was planning on surprising me. :) I am looking forward to seeing family and friends in Tulsa the week after Memorial Day, though. Not long, now!

All the Amimals...

2007-04-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

We went to the zoo today for the first time. Honor has been before with friends and/or family a couple times, but it was her first time with us, and definitely the first time for Patience and Justice.

I forgot my camera, bummer. But we really liked the Kansas City zoo, and ended up buying a family membership, since it will be much cheaper for us to go all summer.

Honor loved looking "for the amimals" and once Patience quit throwing crazy fits for the first half hour, she really liked it too. Justice was great - never cranky, his normal self.

I am getting that feeling I get when Adam is about to be gone for a long time... kind of like dread but not quite as dramatic. He leaves Tuesday morning early for Passion - so a week of being on my own with the kids. Man I respect single moms a lot!

Happy Goodbyes

2007-04-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was my last Women's Fellowship meeting, which I was very glad about. One more fellowship to decorate for and I will have completed that commitment. It will be nice to slide one thing off my plate. I was sad, though. We have a lot of people graduating; women I've spent many evenings with over the last year. I wasn't as emotional as some, probably because we have so much invested at church that we haven't gotten incredibly involved on the seminary campus. And when we graduate, we don't plan on looking for a church and moving away. Anyway, it was a little teary for some, but I was mostly excited for those women to get to slide a huge thing like seminary off their plates. They are scared about the future, understandably, but it was a little inspirational to look at people who pushed through the hard and long hours and were still standing. It gives me hope that in two more years (or maybe a little bit more), we will finally be done.

Oh wait, then Adam wants to get his doctorate. Nevermind.

Business Meetings and Pizza

2007-04-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

I was doing great on my diet yesterday, then caved SO easily when Adam suggested Cici's for dinner. Oops.

I did go to the store yesterday, but not to Walmart, and only with Honor. Adam stayed home, so my adventure with all three kids to the craziest place on earth was postponed. Not that I'm complaining. I got all kinds of low-calorie and healthy food. Let's see if I can quit sabotaging myself with pizza buffets, now.

I took my friend Rachel to her very first Southern Baptist Business Meeting last night. It was enthralling. :) Actually, it took 15 minutes, which I much prefer over the three hour ugly kind.
I love our church. Even during the three hour ugly meetings, I love our church, because God placed us there. Possibilities are bright, if we will stay obedient.

I love this book.

I'm totally random today, but that's all I've got! :)

A Whole New World...

2007-04-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

Oh, I love that song from Alladin. Anyway, I am slowly getting used to blogger, but it is going to take a while for me to realize its full potential. :)

Metro was good last night. I had on gauchos (which I love) and Brittany decided at the last minute to dance to "Take My Life", so I wore her jeans and let her wear my gauchos with her black tank top. It was fun, and we decided it was like we were in 7th grade again, trading clothes with friends.

I am going to attempt to take all three kids to Walmart as soon as Justice and Patience get up from their naps. Yikes! I've got to get some stuff. For groceries I usually go to Hy-Vee, but at times Walmart is a necessity. Today is one of those days. And yes, Amber, I will be getting the stuff to make your yummy granola!

I'll leave you with a few new pics of the kiddos... the ones of Honor and Patience are after they'd been playing in some dirt. That's always SO fun.

My little man is crawling!!!